Shattered by Jesus

 

Someone once told me that when you see a red cardinal, it is an angel visiting you. I saw one and I thought of Mom.

Lately, I have been struggling and I miss her so much. I know she would listen. She would have some great advice. She was always ready to listen to any of her three children and later her grandchildren.

So the other day I heard a song. It said God Shatters you to make you new. I have felt so shattered lately. Fragments of my soul fall off as I walk. A piece here and there as I step in faith.  

The song made me think about my life lately and how sad I have been, how shattered I feel since losing my mom. This song made me feel like it is ok to be shattered. God has me, holds me, guides me, and in shattering me, it leaves space for new things to sprout. For new things to grow in me. It allows space and cracks for what I need to grow. As much as this growth hurts I cannot imagine staying still much longer. The elephant on my chest has me calling uncle, so I turn to you God in being with me, in healing me, in showing me which way to grow. 

I have never felt purpose-driven. I have never felt that AHHH, this is what I should do. I am learning that is ok. I am driven by God and his love for me and his faithfulness to always be with me. I have learned that shattered does not mean broken. I have learned that cracked means, space to grow.

While  I struggle daily with my mom's death, I know she is with the one who called her home. My mom was never purpose-driven either. She had me young. She worked at RCA. She did the best she could for me. I would like to think her seeing me shattered does not upset her. I feel she knows it will allow growth, which I did not know I needed. 

Shattered, but not broken is how I like to think of myself. I am a work in God's promise. I am a child of his and I am loved as I am. I struggle with sharing tooo much or too little with you all, but I know for sure that this time around I was shattered for greater things. 

I felt God shatter me, I feel him healing me, and I know he has great things planned for me. 

Do I know what? No, of course not, but do I also feel better? Yes, I do. I cannot explain it, but I can tell you that once I felt God, I knew I would finally be ok. It was like he rested his hand on my shoulder and said, Child, I am here. I am so thankful for him during an otherwise dark period in my life.

I do not know what he has in store for me, but I do know that I am loved, I am his, I am a child of God and where he leads, I will follow. And I am the one who is lost, he will leave the 99 and come find me and that is so reassuring to me and my soul.

May today be a better day for you, and may you know you are loved. If you believe in God or not, you are loved. 

I pray you are well, I pray you are safe, and I pray you know I care about you. I am here, and I am listening. May today, tomorrow, and always be a blessing in your life.

Your friend,

Debbie

xoxoxoxo

Ps, If you see a red cardinal, my mom's name was Annamay, say hi to her for me. :) She would love to meet you.