My mom
My mom had a Laugh that would light up any place she was in. It did not matter if it was small or a large place. Her laugh boomed through the space. She did not always smile through life. We had some issues with another family member who was determined to smother her light out. Her and I both came out with battle scars, but honestly we did it together.
Seaside Heights was the place go to growing up. It was "down the shore" and a great place to get a shirt made of you and your Significant other's names like Joanie loves Jimmy T shirts. Then you wore it till you broke up or it wore our. Playing skee ball was hilarious with friends. Tickets coming out of the machines. You put tons of money in but got like 5 tickets out but you were so happy you beat your friend who got 70 tickets. It was always a competition.
Lately I have been looking back on my life. I have been thankful and blessed. I have not always had it easy but I have family who loves me and would do anything for me. Life is in the review mirror these days. I am closing in on 60 and have loved my life. I still love learning new things. I still love going out to hear life music. I enjoy my life, but its to the point where I am looking back at my life and I have to say I have not always had it easy but its been a good life and everything that has happened, the good and bad I am thankful for.
In 2023 I lost my mom, She was my main support and I have been battling life without her all the time. I used to call her on the way home every day to see how her day was, but now I cannot call her. It seems odd to me that one day you have someone and then the next day you do not. She was 77 when she past and had a hard marriage. Her husband was not nice to me or my mom. He hated women honestly. Looking back on this I can see how it shaped me. I am kinder to people, I am thankful for kindness coming to me and from me. I have learned that I do not know what anyone is going through and kindness goes a lot farther than I thought.
Life has changed so much without her. All the songs make me cry, thinking about her passing makes me cry, and there is not a single day that goes by that I do not think about her. I wonder what she would say about things going on in my life and what she would have to say about it. She would have plenty to say. I realized lately I still cry but not as much and when I think about her I think more of her smiling down on me than me just remembering that she passed away. I think about all the good times with her. The memories of her at my wedding. I remember how much she dotted on all the kiddos in her life. I think if she would take us all home to love all over, she would have kidnapped us all and kept us living with her. My mom loved everyone, never met a stranger, invited strangers to eat with us and then she made new friends. Love lived in my mom and I am not so much different than her. I try to be kind and live a life that does not hurt anyone.
This is written from me I guess for me. I needed to get this out .I needed to think of my mom smiling down on me rooting me on, telling me I got this and she would be cheering me louder than anyone else this side of heaven. I'm feeling a little less broken , but now its bed and I will spread some kindness tomorrow and think of her watching me and her saying, yes that lady right there, yes she is y baby and I hope you all enjoy her while she is down here with you all.
I pray if you lost a loved one which pretty much everyone has, I know you know the pain, but I pray you are coming through it and if you are not there yet, yes you will always miss them but there is a point where you see the other side and remember your loved ones, but smile when you think of them more than cry. It has taken me years and grief has no end, but I choose to think of my mom up in heaven cheering me on in this one precious life.
I pray this finds you well.
XXOXOXO
Debbie your friend. :)
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