Enjoying Life

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 My mom passed away on Nov 17th, 2024. She taught me that life is short. It is for living. She taught me that if you do not enjoy every minute you can, life will be harder than it needs to be. She was not always light and loved, she went through two failed marriages and struggled with bills, paying the mortgage, and finding a less expensive place to be. 

This photo is a bit blurry. She was unsteady on her feet and, therefore, almost always in motion. I took this one when I was 50. I went up to celebrate my birthday with my family. She loved that she got to spend my birthday with me. We had a great dinner, as my sis and her hubby made the most amazing food. 

Mom had me and her hubby split. We moved in with my grandparents and my great-granny. Four generations under one roof. I loved sharing a room with my mom till I was nine. She would let me wear her wigs and play dress up with her clothes. We shared a vanity and sometimes she made me up with her makeup. 

To say that I miss this mother of mine is an understatement. She was my family. My grandparents passed away, my mom was single, and it was just us two. ( I have a half-brother and half-sister from another father) But the core was me and her. Nine years just us sharing a room. Life for me followed her life. One marriage failed, remarried, and struggling and I wonder what my mom would think of my life.

She would not be happy with me, but I choose joy now. I blast the music through the house. I jam out in my home office. I compliment people more. I see the light in someone's eyes and I celebrate them each and every day. I try to be positive and upbeat but sometimes life is too much and I feel like I fail her. She dealt with so much and was such a light to so many people. I work my way through this grief and grumble and I think of her. She would not want me grumbling, sitting inside, watching the world. She would want me out, meeting people, and doing photography which I love so much. 

Being a homebody and keeping to myself is what I am used to, trying to reach out to others or get involved with a photography group again scares me. I feel like I did all I needed to in life and now I just wait to get old, which my mother would glare at me for. She was only 77 when she died and I still miss her every single day, but I know she is watching over me. I can feel her looking down on me saying, you, yes Debbie, get off your arse and enjoy this precious life. You got this. You can be more. I just want to be small, she wants my light to shine on this earth. 

My mom and I  will meet in the middle. Since covid, I don't like having people over. I don't want people in my home. I will try though to be more outgoing and share my love of life with others and share the light I have inside of me with the world. Perhaps it is time to pick up the camera again? Maybe that has been my issue for a while. I stopped standing behind the lens and have just been watching the world since she did and not actually engaging with it.

I shall do my best to make her proud. I will try to reach out to a photo group again and get re-engaged with the world.

Mom I still want to do you proud, so I leave you with this photos! 


Hope this is big enough for you to see Mom. I miss you so damn much! Your loving Daugther, Debbie

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