Winter Weariness

 It is that time of year when I am weary, I am dealing with depression, and I am in pain from the cold weather. This is the time of year when I feel trapped. Trapped inside, but also trapped mentally. I refrain from going places that I may get covid from, which pretty much leaves me to the food store, because hello I have to go there, but other than that hiking trains for my sanity. 

I find myself slipping into a winter mood. My mood becomes somber. My days seem gray and I feel like I'm melting away. No one really sees me except at work, no one comes over and I don't dare go to anyones' home. 

Winter to me has always exhausted me. I am not a ski person, I am not a snow person, and in this bitter coldness, I am not an outside person. I find myself hibernating away like a bear, but he gets to sleep and I don't sleep with this nordic wind slamming into my house. 

Music and writing are my saving grace. I lose myself in listening to music. I sing in the car at the top of my lungs. Driving alone is the only time alone. I find myself perking up when I sing. I also love writing this blog. 

Art in all forms has gotten me through this pandemic. The problem I have is this, when are we OUT of the pandemic. When can I resume a normal life? Hence the depression seeping in here and there. It is like our lives have been suspended in time and are just waiting, and waiting for our lives to begin again.

This week I made a doctor's appointment. I need to talk to him and see if what I am dealing with is normal mental health things or possibly more. I have been struggling, like millions, through this. For some, there is no other side. So many have lost their lives and loved ones. Each day is such a precious gift. 

As I am dealing with Winter Weariness, I know I am not alone. I know we are all just doing our best to survive. I know this season of our lives seems to be stuck. It is on loop and I for one wish the loop would break. 

I pray as you are dealing with your own things going on that you are safe. That you are warm. That you know above all us that you are not alone. Talking about mental health is still not accepted by so many people. I want us to be able to say, " I am dealing with ____" to a friend, to a loved one, or to a professional. There is no shame in admitting we need help. We are not weak because of it. We are strong for knowing ourselves and for being brave enough to ask for help. 

I pray this post finds you warm and safe and loved. And in case no one has said it to you today, you matter, you are important, and I see you!

May the winter winds pass quickly and let spring bring us all joy again.

Your friend

Debbie

xoxoxox