Grief is a Fickle Pickle

 

This is my bestie. Bestie of 27 years. He is always there for me, as I am for him. That white box is a birthday cake. He came down from another county to go to the fair with me and celebrate my birthday. 

Since my mom died, God bless him, he has listened to all my tears and sobbing and just let me cry on his shoulder. I keep thinking I am over the grief, but it comes at me like a bulldozer and I try to hide, which we all know does not work. 

Best friends are one of the most important things about grief. You need your BFF to be there at 2 AM, at 3pm, whatever day, whatever time. He just listens and I know he is thinking about his own mother who is older and not doing well. 

I keep coming back to the Crowder song when he talks about the dash on your tombstone. He sings how that dash represents the years you have. It is a small window of your life. You may be in the depth of crap right now in life, but it is a small part of your life. I cannot help but think every day that I am falling short of that dash. I am getting older and I know my time is limited. I know that every day that I am given is a gift.

Grief keeps me from being ok, I fear this is my new normal. I feel this shattered part of my soul and I feel like I'm sinking in it, so what am I to do? Call the bestie who gets me laughing, who reminds me I am a pain in his ass. 

I read all the books, I spent endless days, and months mourning and crying, and again I called on my best friend for support. Grief is a fickle pickle that knows no end.  I am ok, I am not. Wait a moment and it will change. Yesterday would have been her 78th birthday and it made me physically ill.  I texted the bestie and again he had me laughing. I feel we all need that special friend who through all of our pain can see us and reach us deep inside and send some light into the darkness. So today I say to you, that tiny dash flies by, go for what you want in life, do the crazy thing, do the fun things, and travel if you want or write a book if you want but your life will be done before you know it and I for one am trying to be more present in my life instead of on the phone or other distraction. I am calling the bestie now, so have a great night. Remember that dash, it is tiny, enjoy your life.

Your friend,

Debbie

xoxoxox