a poem,,some thoughts and mixed emotions

Greetings all out in the cyber world. First a poem to share with you. It's been awhile since I wrote anything new and I have a friend who, I don't know, something about him motivates me to write. (so that's a great thing.)

His Arms by Debbie Ealer

His arms surround me not in love, but something better;
complete unconditional acceptance.

There is no judgment in his arms,
there is only warmth.
Engulfing only honesty and truth,
encircling my words with respect.

His arms are strong enough to catch me
when I trip, his arms are always open wide.
There is no pain or vulnerability involved.
There is only soul filling hope and praise.

Engulfing, encircling, hope and joy. Good
and bad, better or worse, years of push and pull,
years of arms opened and closed again, years of his arms
waiting for me,
Engulfing, encircling, love and warmth.

Bare arms around my soul,
ready to accept all of me. Emotions jumping around
like Mexican jumping beans.
Up and down, falling to the floor, but I never hit. His arms.

Vulnerability does not exist, magnetism and respect do.
When his arms are closed and I come near he opens them wide.
Instantly fear surrenders in his arms.

His arms are what hold me together.
His arms are what grounds me and lifts me up.
His arms hold me steady, but let me fly.
His arms. His arms are the guiding force I need.

Vulnerability, magnetism, love, kindness, roots and wings.
His arms. Oh his arms; Love.

So now some thoughts. Its a new year and I find myself open to love for the first time in forever. For me I have only been in love three times and I fall long and I fall hard.  Life has a way of not working love and my life into one thread. While I would love to have that one, to be happily married, honestly beginning to think I had my one shot and it just didn't work out.Which actually doesn't make me sad. While I can see myself with one person, finding that one person is the problem, so I am back to working on my degree, working on my writing and working on me. You know what I am pretty amazing and I like me. It has taken me a long time to get to that point with myself. I know I am compassionate to my own downfall. I love life, people and I love to make my friends happy. I think though first we must make ourselves happy.(though if you know me, you know I'm genuinely happy)  I try to show happiness to others, share kindness with strangers and friends, and I try to treat everyone I meet with respect. 

I have learned in life that while love might not be in my cards there is so much that is. While I finish up my college degree in the next three semesters I cannot wait to see what life has to offer me. It is just me in my life. No hubby, my kids are grown and I am looking forward to living a life that while it might be small, treads lightly on others and I want to accomplish so much. I want to write, from Paris, from Montana, from Seattle. Who knows, but I know there is a plan in the works for amazing adventures in life. While I know many of my friends struggle with faith or even believing in God, I know he has me in the palm of his hand and I know he has a big plan for me. It might be a small part of the world, but for my life it will be grand. I have faith he has not forgotten me :D

As I move into the next phase of my life alone I have mixed emotions. I did the whole wife thing and oh lordy that worked so well (enter sarcasm here) and I have kids, I have done what is expected of me, but I wanna do amazing things. If its write amazing books, if its traveling, if its living overseas again, only God knows and he is keeping it under wraps. I believe only good things are ahead and even though love doesn't seem to enter ( who knows though what will happen there) I am excited about life, about whats in store even if it scares me to death. I have a zest for life and I want to share it with others. 

Tomorrow is a new day, a new idea, a new story. Possible a new love. Whatever comes my way I will meet it head out, write about it, live it, learn from it and always love greatly and fully. 

Happy New Year to you all. Maybe the new year be a year full of love for your all. 

xoxox

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Debbie