Fear of Life

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So lately I have been writing more and more. I realized that if I do not write at all, then I am not a writer. I love to write and when speaking with one of my best friends tonight, I said I should write an article on fear...and so I did.

Enjoy



Fear of Life by Debbie Ealer




Why do we fear so much of our lives? I am graduating next May from college with my B. A. in English. I have no idea what will come next. This both scares the shit out of me and excites me. How are both sharing my brain? I know what I want to do. I want to sell everything, including my house, and I want to freelance write for a few online magazines. I want to make enough money to store my belongings I decide to keep either in a loft apartment or a storage unit. I want to leave it all and I want to travel the world again and write about it. I want to know though it is going to happen or not, now!
With the uncertainty colliding with my life next year I feel that I must make a plan. I have no idea on how to plan for what I do not know. I will try to organize. I will make lists, but the fear will take over and I will fail. I cannot get ready for the unknown. What is it about the unknown that scares us so? I mean sure we do not know what we will be doing in life, but come on, honestly you think you know what you will be doing tomorrow, but you might not. The universe might have a different plan for you. With all these uncertainties in life, there are no guarantees.
I need guarantees. I have always known my life plan. I have always succeeded in following it. I have seen good and bad things happen; I have lived through changes I tried to avoid. If it is going to happen it will. Well universe listen to what I want to do. I want to freelance write successfully. I want to travel the globe and live a life worth living. I want to experience all the things that frighten me. I want to embrace the fear. You heard me. I want to embrace it. I want to hold it and ride it like a wave. I want to love life, gather hopes, and experience the things I fear. I want to grab my fears of the unknown and ride it like a wave.
I fear love, I fear jobs, and I fear the unknown in life. I freely admit it. I do not know what life has in store for me. It knows, but it is not telling me. I am embracing it and falling into my fears. Not letting it encompass my life to a debilitating stand still, but embracing the fear and using it to fuel my hunger for a life I dream of. For the items coming my way over the years that I will love and that I will dread, these items will make up my life.
I fear so many things in life. I fear I will get sick and not be able to live my dreams. I fear money and not being able to fund my dreams. I fear love.  I feel I will never have it and will have to just let the idea of it go. I do not fear being alone, I feel not loving in life. So much of my life is up in the air, including the love bug, which way I will end up in life I do not know. I know I love life and people, so that was a fear I recently got rid of. I loved, I lost, I had my heart broken and I am still open to love. Even though I fear of getting rejected or getting hurt again. I chose to embrace my fear.
                I hope you all embrace your fear and meet life head on in such a way that you fear has no other option but to fold in fear of your bravery.

With all that said, do not let fear run your life. You have to live. Push outside your comfort zone and enjoy your life and grab fear by the horns and tell it what's up!

your storyteller/poet
xo
Debbie 



Comments

  1. Ann BennettMay 6, 2015 at 12:05 AM

    If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. Henry David Thoreau

    I would try to sell some freelance articles before I put everything in motion. It takes time to build a client base. I don't think you have fears but a legitimate concern about risk.

    The future is always unknown. We find ourselves in situations that we never saw ourselves in. I don't believe in being fearful because you really cannot control what happens. You can't make someone love you, you can't undo a fall or car accident, you can't make the economy be good.

    I know this reply is not what you expect. It is just that I am a career woman who has had people dependent on me. There is a huge part of me that regretted not pursuing the creative part of myself. But being in my late fifties, I am glad I did what I did. There is a gritty part of life that is tough on all of us.

    ReplyDelete
  2. DebbieInGeorgiaMay 6, 2015 at 12:12 AM

    Thanks Ann. I have started a client base. I wouldn't be moving till Dec 16. I do believe in myself and my fears are falling away :)

    ReplyDelete

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