The Doldrums

There is a story I read ( for some class ) where this ship gets stuck in the doldrums. Now doldrums means inactivity, stagnation, and in this story it meant the area of the ocean where no wind ever came. The ship sailed by wind to the sails and it just sat. It was stationed in the middle of no where and nothing basically. This is where I find myself. I am in the doldrums. I think its a lull really, but feel stuck.

When in life you have passions and they are not fueling your fire, what do you do? Maybe I need to take a new crafting class, get a new lens, do something new. Maybe I am taking a break from the constant running I do, the cleaning, the yard work, and maybe this is actually a chance to rest. Perhaps my body needed some down time and this lull is the worlds way of saying, take a break!

Is a doldrum a positive or negative thing? I dont know. I think it is somewhere among homeostasis. I think it is around the middle. Sort of like the equator. It is just there. I feel a pull from the west coast, which is getting stronger and stronger, but honestly I do not know what life will offer me. I find myself at peace in this doldrum. I am resting in the calm. Collecting my thoughts about who I wanna be down the road. What I want to accomplish and how on earth I do it all. Maybe this doldrum is a gift.

While I run at 110mph all the time, this lull scares me. It is quiet. I struggle with the quiet and hearing my own voice. I struggle with just listening to my own soul. I am happy, but what comes out when I listen to my soul scares me to death. I think this big world is amazing and I will do amazing things. I hear myself say "write more poetry, write more prose, just write more" I hear my heart tell me about love and that scares me more.

I feel like so many people expect so many things from me in my future and when I am quiet in this doldrum I hear it from my own voice. I feel the push to write more, write better, and spread my wings. I hear my voice talk to me about how big my heart is and the compassion it has for a great number of people. I hear job offers, I hear teachers, and now I hear my own voice that loves life, that loves someone, that loves everything life has to offer.

With this quiet time I am scared. I feel like I lost my way. That I am walking alone somewhere and there is no one to rescue me. If I am honest though, when I hear my voice I hear what amazing things I will do, what I can achieve, who I can love, what will happen in my future. I actually think I would like to help people. I have such a compassion. I would (if im honest with myself) love to work for a group somewhere who needs a voice of compassion to speak for them, or an organization that is non-profit. I would love to use my voice to help people. I would love to use my voice to guide, mentor, and aid people who need it.

See writing does help. I figured out what I want to do with my life professional wise. I thank you all for coming into my doldrums and now we must sail on. The winds picking up, loves right there, writing is coming forth, and I look forward to another day sailing on through life :D

xo
Your story teller/ poet
Debbie 

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