Life Paths; enjoying the journey

So first off, I have added Creative Writing as a minor to go with my BA in English im working on. I am taking my first class and its my favorite. I fell in love and fell in love hard. Yesterday we did a peer workshop where I read a poem and then sat and could not speak while others said things about it. Thanks to another professor I'm part of a writing group and I now do not turn beet read when people critique me. I mean even a few months ago, many of you didn't even know I wrote. *shocker coming,sit down to read hahaha* I am working on my first short story.!! I do not have much time to work on it with four classes, but I do so love when I get into the flow and the story unfolds. I do not know about many other authors,but for me, the story unfolds as I write it. I do not have the whole thing in my head before hand. There is a Crossroads Writing conference coming up and I am all up for donations to send me :D *hint hint* I went last year and  let me tell you, it was great to talk with others in the field I want to be in one day.

So for creative writing we had to write a poem,, Im going to put up both so you can compare and please tell me what you think, I promise I wont turn red. Many of you know I lost my father in law two weeks ago, I have known him for 30 years and it has hit me really hard. This poem is about him, He was an amazing man and ill end there before I cry again.

This is the first draft:

Death knocked this week      

                                                           

The couch cradles me,
the quiet, dead.
I hear the tick, tick, tick of the clock,
the cat meows.

Flowers fade,
the burial is over.
Life is still,
if just for One.

Nothing’s cooked,
no food prepared.
Stargazer swirling,
then it's gone, again.

Cycle of living,
his time was up.
Hard working hands,
rest now comes.

Nothing in front of me,
but his face.
He died this week,
pain, life moves.

The walls were cold,

an room empty.

The air was eerie,

his last goodbye 

The couch feels light,

burdens are past.
Metals in piles,
engraved plates say his name.

The house was empty,
it's not the same.
I hear the tick, tick, tick of the clock.
The cat meows.

My classmates made some excellent points and I just love this teacher. She has won an award for her poetry and been published and is a Dr. She knows her stuff and I took everything into consideration and here is the 2nd edition

Death knocked this week      

                                                           

The couch cradles me, the dead, quiet.

The room was empting, friends going away.
I hear the tick, tick, tick of the clock,
The cat meows, once, she knows.
 

Life is still, if just for One.

Pop was special, but nothing remains.

The tubes unplugged, the machines turned off.

Coldness haunts this room now, I walk away.

Flowers fading; the burial is over.

Stargazer Lilies in funeral arrangements,

The fragrance too strong for me, I get dizzy.

He was a master gardener;  he would have loved them.

Circle of living, his time was up.

Hard working hands, rest now comes.

Nothing in front of me, but his gardens remains.

He died today, after fighting for three months.

He heart gave out, I feel so much pain.
Life moves on, classes start soon.

He always said, do your work and I’m proud of you.

Chemical engineer, he knew education was key.

His house feels light, without him here.

I feel cold, all alone in his house.
His medals in piles, A Golden Olympic winner.
All that remains are engraved plates saying his name.

This house is empty, it's not the same.

The walls are cold, an eerie air stirs.

His last goodbye, I couldn’t say his name.
I hear the tick, tick, tick of the clock.
The cat meows, she knows he is gone.

I wont bore you with all they said, needless to say, they were right and I was just to close to the poem to see it. Im not usually the author and persona of a poem, but yes this one is about me. Its been a tough road. The day of pops funeral my mom was in a car crash. She is ok,but with pop, mom and 4 classes starting.... Im thankful for my church and friends there. Helping me through this mess. I really hope you like them and please comment and let me know.

I do not know my lifes path. Im finding my way. It has been hard on my own since the divorce, but dangnabit im doing it and im  achieving my dream of having my degree. I can not help but think, Pop is up in heaven smiling down on me. He was a chemical engineer and amazingly smart. He kept telling me to work on my degree and dream big. When things happen that are not good, I tend to shut down, this time,for me & pop Im pressing on and enjoying the journey.

Thanks for stopping by!!

xooxoxox

Debbie