Photo property of me, Debbie Ealer
It is hot summertime. It is also a time of grief. Mom has been gone 7 months tomorrow and it hits me every month on the 17th. As I bake in the 108-degrees weather in Georgia I cannot help but wonder why I moved to Georgia so far from my family. My ex was military which ended us up here. I pushed to stay because of the slower pace, but Lord the heat is getting worse and worse along with global warming.
This is the time of year when freshly laundered sheets dry on the line in 20 minutes. This is the time of year when popsicles are consumed hourly. This is the time of year that I spent my first summer without Mom. I only got to see her about every 5 years. Tickets are not free to fly and it is more expensive to drive these days.
Only my last visit it was my 55th birthday. We got cupcakes because we never eat cake, and we celebrated with a great dinner made by my brother-in-law. Mom ate three cupcakes, they were the tiny kind, don't judge. She loved them and celebrated me with each one she ate.
I got to spend a week with my family. It was wonderful. I saw everyone and spent the time enjoying just being with them. I had NJ pizza, which is the bomb, I got to see one of my nieces cheerlead, I got to see the youngest play tennis, and I traveled with my son to New Hope PA. My kiddo got to try his first PA/NJ pizza and my kiddo loved it.
Clinton NJ is where my mom lived before moving in with my sister. Mom had a small condo briefly in the middle of that. This red mill is one of my favorite places to stop and take photos, along with everyone else who comes through. It is a historic mill and growing up 30 minutes from it, until she moved, I had no idea it existed.
This is my 50th birthday. Me, My sis, and my bro. Since our mom died I made it a mission to visit at least every 2 years. Life is too short to not be with the family. I usually get picked up by my sister, but I will see if my bro can pick me up and I can crash at their house. My sister's house is way bigger and more chaotic with three girls, and my brother's is way smaller, but homey, loving, and filled with only the important things in life. I am somewhere in the middle. A medium house filled with the items I love. About 5 years ago I cleaned the house and tons went to Goodwill. I continue to give items to other friends, goodwill, and donate them. Now I tend to only pick up what I truly love.
Lordy, this is about ten years ago. We all look so different. Mom looks thrilled. Every five years I take another photo like this. The next one won't include her and that hits hard. Four on a sofa, now only three alive. When you have a hard day and all you want to do is call your mom, and to not be able to is difficult at best. I don't get to see my brother and sister much, but mom left us all some money, so this year my sister is coming down, but next year I am going up to visit and crash on my brother's couch. God bless him, he said to give him a heads up and he will pick me up from the airport and everything. My sis usually gets taxed with that, but I am thrilled he volunteered.
I think the grief we all feel when mom died, then my siblings (who are half-siblings) their dad died about three months after mom died. My brother-in-law's mom just died last week. It has been a year of grief for my family. I also believe it has brought us all closer. We realized how short life is. I plan on still doing family photos when I travel up. I plan on honoring her and eating a cupcake to celebrate her life.
Life is filled with grief right now, and that is ok, it comes and goes. People are born, and other people die. Ebb and flow of life. Grief is a tricky widget. It rushes at you, creeps toward you, and surprises you at the oddest times, but I have read about ten grief books and wanted to share with you two of the better ones.
It's OK to Not be OK and
Conscious Grieving. Both books were amazing and helped me so much. I have people saying, why are you not over their death, because they died and grief never goes away. I believe at some point it doesn't cripple us anymore, but it never leaves us. The memories stay with us, but little-by little we find we are ok. We may not be great and that is ok. I finally just said to myself that I was ok. I am safe. I am loved. I am working my way through this grief at my own pace and that is ok. Both of those books helped me a lot. They may not help you, but thought I would pass them on to you. The links will take you to Amazon. Look them over and let me know what you think.
As I move through my own journey of grief I have to remember constantly to give myself grace. I keep thinking I am ok and then a memory will hit, a song she loved will come on the radio, something will happen that takes me back a few paces of grief and that is ok. I have to remember that is ok! I am ok.
I pray as you deal with your grief that you remember to give yourself grace as well.May today be a good day for us all.
My mom and sister and uncle. Mom's birthday. My sis bought her a cake to celebrate. May she be living it up in heaven and dancing her way through the pearly gates.
God bless you all in whatever journey your life is taking right now.
Your friend,
Debbie
xoxoxo
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