So tis the holiday season and supposed to be peaceful. In all honesty it is anything other than peaceful. With running errands, trimming the tree, wrapping presents for everyone and cooking from Thanksgiving to Christmas, the season has become anything, but peaceful.

I have been MIA from my normal routine, which is not a bad thing, but this holiday season I am not about the Norman Rockwell Christmas. I am about spending time with church family and friends. I am about Winter solstice. I am about helping,friendships, and being there for the people who mean the most to me. (yes you know who you are)

Today was a tough day. A lot of serious items got discussed with a few people and while I usually blend it with humor. I have not. Last season I wrote a blog post about depression and the holidays. So many of you reached out to me. You all knew what I was going through. I think we all strive for that Rockwell Christmas and always fall short and it lets us down and we feel we let others down. I believe in love. Yep you heard it hear. I haven't for a long time, but finally my hearts open and its not about the boxes or bows this year. It is not about the depression, which by the way I still battle, it is about helping others. It is about being there when you say you will, doing what you said you did, volunteering and putting your mouth into what you said needed doing. This holiday season I battle depression, but this year I am battling it back hard.

I sit and look at my tree. I just stare at it. I lose focus in it and dream. I bit of a day dream. A day dream of past holidays with my kids being young, with Christmas's with my ex and us all as a family. Well you know what? I am battling depression and this year im coming after it hard. I will expect less out of the day. I will enjoy the family. I will cook less and love more.

Depression is something a lot of us do not want to admit we have. We have a fear we will be judged. There is no judgement here and you know you can email me or comment if you want. I have battled it for many many years. This year I am watching the stars. I am loving with my heart open. I am reading at church Christmas Eve and its such an honor. I am picking what I do this year. I am watching my step. I have guidance from above and love up there and down here. This year depression I will kick your ass!! This year I will live in the present and be mindful of the rest.

This year I have Christmas spirit, but you know what its mixed with a peacefulness I needed. A grounding to earth that I haven't had in a decade. I wish you all a lovely holiday season no matter how you celebrate. Know I am thinking of you, wishing you joy and love and light.

May this holiday season be everything you need it to be and know you are not alone in the darkness of depression. Know we are all a community of love and need to think of each other and send light into the darkness. Happy Holidays!!

Much love into the new year for you,
It is another new beginning and I for one look forward to it.


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